A BIRTH STORY | ZOEY MADILYN

September 7th marked the big day for our little girl’s supposed arrival. “September 7th” had been the date I would reply back to people alllllll summer long for when they asked when the baby in my belly would be due. But September 7th had come and gone and I was still okay with that. Three days before the 7th I had my membranes swept and was effaced and dilating. I knew it wouldn’t be long before she would make an appearance but I still continued with my days as I normally would. I was scheduled for an appointment on the 10th. I was effaced and dilated the same, nothing had changed but I asked to get my membranes swept again and reluctantly my doctor agreed (he didn’t think it would do anything for me hah.) 

3:30pm// That same afternoon I went on a long walk by myself in the neighborhood feeling crampy from the cervix check but I was still feeling good about being pregnant. I made dinner for Max and I and we whipped up some hummus and shared a bagel for a late night snack. You could consider 9pm late night for us. We even went on another walk, which had been the routine since we moved down town. All was well and we cuddled up in bed. Little did we know we would get a surprise later that night…

1:00am// Just like my labor dreams had envisioned, I was awoken with the idea that this baby was coming in the middle of the night. 1am to be exact. My water didn’t break, but I laid there in bed feeling weird cramps that seemed to get powerful the more I waited. I counted them to be sure before I woke Max up. A part of me was doubting that it could really be it but another part of me did not want to wait any longer just in case it was the real deal. I told Max that I was having contractions and that we should probably get going. It was as if I would lose my breath when a contraction would come on and they were becoming more defined. We slowlllyy and calmly got out of the house and made it to the hospital at 1:30am. Check in took longer than I expected and there was another couple checking in for labor at the same time as us. The other pregnant mommy-to-be and I were both experiencing contractions 3 minutes apart. It was a relatively calming setting. Not a soul made a peep throughout the hospital as I was wheeled into my room. We were warmly greeted by our nurse who smelled like disgustingly sweet cotton candy and I believe she is what triggered my nausea… not once did I throw-up my entire pregnancy but her perfume and my nerves mixed together had my body in for a loop. My belly was strapped with the fetal heart rate monitor and the contraction monitor. The boom and thud of baby’s heart beat flooded the quiet room while Max and I sat there and waited…

1:30am-5:00am// My contractions were painful but bearable and they were actually beginning to fade. The nurse checked my cervix 3 times with her huge hands and a piece of me cried each time she said that I still remained at 4cm during those 4 hours at the hospital. We were given no other option but to leave. They gave us the boot. They kicked us out! I was upset and exhausted and felt like we were left in the dark. We headed home around 5:30am and I managed to ralph in the car while Max pulled into a drive-thru for breakfast. Luckily I grabbed a doggy bag. 

5:30am// Max drew me a hot bath as soon as we got home and I wasted no time getting into it. He laid down for some rest while I tried to relax in the tub. All I could do was sit and cry. The warmth felt incredible but my contractions were once again getting stronger. I got into bed with Max not even bothering to dry off the water and soap for all I wanted was his comfort and to lie down. The pain of my contractions were like a wave of terror. They slowly crept up through my abdomen and towards my back where they would peak for at least a minute. It was as if the muscles from my stomach all the way down to my butt were being ringed out and the pain would then slowly fade out. I was getting into the groove of when they would arrive and instructed Max each time to rub my lower back as hard as he could. The relief of his hands helped so immensely even though I was gasping for air and struggling to breath the correct way. It got to the point where Max had me lay on the yoga ball on all fours so I could focus more on my breathing. The pain was so intense I screamed like I never had before. Screams and moans drug out as I tried to cry but not one tear could be produced because all of my energy was stolen from me. The convulsions of the contractions were giving my body the urge to push. I knew this was not a good sign, as was the blood that was spilling out from under me. After two agonizing hours at home we made our way BACK to the hospital. I was so afraid to get in the car for fear that I would deliver our baby right in the front seat but Max rushed us there. I screamed in the car, I screamed in the parking lot, and immediately sat my ass into a wheelchair begging to be taken up to labor and delivery. I remember everyone asking me what was wrong and why I was there… um, hello? I was about to have a baby! 

7:30am// The second check-in took even longer than the first, and I had already been admitted only hours before! I sat crying and whaling in the wheel chair as Max insisted that they hurry up. I was asked what my birthday was about three different times, I mean, c’mon people… I never thought that I would be one of those pregnant ladies that would cause such a scene in the emergency room, throughout the halls of the hospital, all the way up the elevator and into the labor and delivery ward, but I was. As soon as we entered our room I immediately stripped my clothes before the nurse even had a chance to make her way in. The baby was coming and I needed drugs to kill the pain! My nurse caught on quickly that things were happening and checked my cervix as quickly as she could. I was dilated to 8cm and would NOT be getting an epidural. I repeat, NO DRUGS. 

8:00am// From then on it was a blur of pain and disbelief. I did not think that I would physically be able to deliver my baby. I was so scared. So many different nurses came in to talk to me, to have me sign this, to lift my leg here, hold my arm up for this, lay on this side here… I made no connection with any of them whatsoever. It was like I was in a coma, not that I would know what that would be like, but I could make out what they were saying but my mind paid no disregard to acknowledge their presence. I was focusing directly on the pain and when the next contraction would be over with and how in the hell I was going to get our baby girl out of me. 

8:30am// My doctor had been in the O.R. all morning and would not be able to make my delivery since I was about an hour away from pushing. My water had broke during a cervix check and I was ready to push but I had to wait for the on-call doctor who wasn’t even there yet, not to mention his resident delivered for me. I was in so much pain that I gave absolutely no care as to who delivered my baby. I needed to push and I wanted her out! As soon as I was fully dilated and my cervix had shed the show was ready to begin. 

9:00am// I was in complete awe feeling every ounce of movement my body was performing to get the baby out. Each contraction I was able to push and it brought so much relief. It did not feel good, but it felt right to push. I had SO much help from my nurse who cheered me on and instructed my breathing. She told me how to breath, when to hold it, when the wave was over, and when to calm down. She was a lifesaver. Max was by my side the whole time telling me how amazing I was doing, feeding me water every time I demanded it through breaks in the contractions, and letting me crush his hand. Each time I gave a push they would all exclaim that I was almost there, but that happened about 20 times. I managed to get her down the canal just fine but she wanted to hang out in the ring of fire for the entire time I was in the stirrups. The dreaded, unholy ring of literal fire. I had never given much thought to natural birth except for the awful stories that I had heard of this crowning moment. My baby was stuck there and the only way to get her out was to push and let nature take its course! I could instantly feel the perineal tearing and the ripping eventually made its way up to my clitoral area. I will never forget the stinging, paper cut-like shredding that occurred down there. I needed that pain to stop which encouraged me to push with all of my might. Max said my face was purple from pushing so incredibly hard and I broke many blood vessels in both of my eyes due to it. After about an hour of pushing I knew the moment was about to arrive when it would all be over. I told myself in my head, “This is the last push, Sara! She has to come out!” And she did. 

9:58am// Her cry was the sweetest thing I had ever heard and she was instantly placed on my chest. Without hesitation I gasped at how beautiful she was and I couldn’t stop saying it over and over. She was so perfect! I was in such a complete daze I didn’t even get to see Max cut her umbilical cord. I just remember seeing tears in his eyes as we both looked at our beautiful baby girl. I tried to enjoy the moment of tranquility but I was brought back to reality when two doctors got right away to working on stitching up my lady bits. They numbed the area but I could still feel every sinch and tug they performed. I was about ready to yell at everyone to stop touching my vagina because after the stitches I was rubbed down so harshly to get the dried blood off and boy did my butt hole hurt too! 

However, it is true to what those say, as soon as your baby is OUT and on your chest, all of the pain just seems to disappear as if it never even happened. We were given almost two hours of skin to skin! Because labor happened so quickly, it was just Max and I in the delivery room because we didn’t have time or any thought to call and invite our family. We didn’t announce Zoey’s birth until we got in our postpartum room later that afternoon. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It really was special to just spend that time with Max and Zoey. We were able to bond and cherish those first critical hours together as a family without having to worry about anyone else. 

I was so incredibly emotional about her grandparents coming in to meet her. I couldn’t believe that I brought this precious human into the world and the people that I love so much were going to see and fall in love with her too! What a special gift a baby can bring into this world. We weren’t too overwhelmed with visitors but we definitely all needed our rest. I was given medication after birth to help with the pain and it made me feel like supermom! I was so relaxed and felt the need to get up and walk around and tend to Zoey. I really should have taken it easy because once the medicine wore off it felt like my entire body got hit by a massive truck. My body is still recovering from all of the trauma 3 weeks later. 

looking like an infected zombie form broken blood vessels

The nurses were nice and meant well, but they certainly pushed their boundaries when it came to breast feeding. I got the same lecture about 7 different times and ultimately broke down in tears because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was told to do it this way, and that way, and all the same lesson after lesson. I appreciate that the hospital was pro-boob but I was all about doing it MY way and Zoey is still going strong! Max was such an incredible help sticking by me and helping me with every feed. Before our 24 hour period was up we were packed and ready to get the hell out of there! I didn’t end up using anything from our hospital bag except for chapstick and one outfit that ended up being taken off.The hospital was just not for us and we could not wait any longer to leave. I had forgotten my ID the second trip to the hospital so we couldn’t even get her birth certificate information and paternity form filled out. We also still didn’t have a middle name… sorry Zoey! That took about a week to figure out and we eventually got all of the paper work squared away. 

so many flowers! thank you!

Zoey Madilyn Dickerson was born on September 11th at 9:58am. She weighed a whopping 8 pounds and measured 21 inches long. She is a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Truly an angel sent to us. Taking her home was such a crazy experience. This is our baby! She has been nothing but a doll. I’ve been soaking up every second with her and can’t believe she is mine. We are so happy that she is finally here and we will love her until the end of time. Our hearts are so full.